Let’s talk about the frame through which we perceive our reality. Our frames are created by our past experiences, however we perceived it in that moment. It is also worthy to note that our memories tend to exaggerate bad as well as good events – so your memories might not even reflect the whole truth. When we start questioning our actions, behaviours, thoughts, and beliefs, it becomes clear that we may be creating realities for ourselves that stems from the past and is not an accurate reflection of the present moment.
An example might be when we get triggered by certain words and react based on a past experience and not what the person meant (from behind their frame). So essentially you are reliving that past moment and the other person has no idea what just happened. How many times have you been in a conflict situation only to discover you completely misunderstood each other? That the intentions behind the words were not the same as those past experiences you based your reactions on?
Steven Covey in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People refers to habit nr 2 as: seek first to understand then to be understood. The key here would be to be able to have enough awareness of your triggers and emotional connections to past events that you are able to intercept your reaction and choose to respond instead.
Without that awareness we go through life just reacting to triggers and never being in control of our responses. Essentially being victims of our environment without the ability to take control over our lives.
Once we become aware of these automatic reactions and triggers, we can put together a strategy that supports our growth towards choosing responses. From a point of awareness you are able to determine whether you have the necessary skills and knowledge to execute the change – if not, you know where to start looking for help and support.
When you are able to disconnect the emotion connected to a past event, that experience becomes wisdom instead of a trigger. We have the ability to reframe past events and in so doing we are able to create more desirable present and future moments.
“If you wake up in the morning and you’re not defined by a vision in the future, as you see the same people and you go to the same places, and you do the exact same thing at the same time, it’s no longer that your personality is creating your personal reality. Now your personal reality is affecting or creating your personality. Your environment is really controlling how you think and feel unconsciously… To change then is to be greater than your environment.” Dr Joe Dispenza